I'm not over you. Why? Help.

i just got my heart broken..again.i should not have told him how i felt.fuch.!fuch.!fuch.!it hurts so bad.the part when he said 'mahal q n c ****.' just left me devastated and all i could say was 'ah.ok.bye.' then i ran to my room and cried my heart out.im xho stupid.!!i just have this habit of wanting someone back.it's always me who wants to come back.well, he doesn't want me.he doesn't like me and he, sure as hell, doesn't love me..and i just wanna die.i can't believe i did that again.now all i have is a broken heart to the highest level.you know what's worse than getting hurt the first time?getting hurt a second time.it's a good thing there's no classes today.hmM..i don't want to see him.i don't want to see her. i don't want them to see me.i don't want them to see that i'm nuh ok.i don't think i'm going to be ok for a while.his messages are still on my phone.i can't bring myself to erase nor open them.they're just there.im in pain again.and im just crying here in my bed, listening to a stupid song on the radio.

i was just wondering..did he really care for me before like he said or was i just used to pass time till she came back.?!i want to hate you so badly.i want me to stop hurting.

im blaming myself for this, don't worry..

you never fought for me.u just cared about what other people thought.you didn't care whether or not you were losing me.you didn't come after me.i guess now i know why..

im xho pathetic for telling him how i felt and now im regretting every single word i said.

"Out of all the lies you said.. i love you is my favorite."

"and now i'm picking up the pieces

i'm spending all of these years

putting my heart back together."

right now, I'm not okay.

You’ve already done enough damage as it is but believe me when I say, I won’t ever love you again. You’ve lost me and I’m never coming back. How could you just hurt me so easily? How?! I’ve cried for nights. I’ve tried to move on. But I can’t. Well, I will but I just can’t right now. Did you know that I cried ‘cause of you on my birthday? That was the first time I cried in school. Thanks to you I’m broken again. How could you just move on so easily? So far, I haven’t seen you in school yet. It’s the second day since school was back. I guess just a hundred or two days left to avoid seeing you, meeting your eye or just passing you by. Who am I kidding? We’re in the same school, same campus. It’s not really that easy, is it? But I’ll try. I’ll try really hard. I’m missing those phone calls and text messages. I’m kinda getting used to it though. I had to erase your number from my contacts ‘cause seeing your name there tempts me to text you or include you in my gms. This all started when you didn’t choose me. That was before my birthday. That’s why I hate having someone close to my heart romantically when it’s almost my birthday. Well, whatever. I guess I will never learn. I tried with you. That’s the best I can do. Thanks, I guess, for everything. I hope you’re feeling depressed too, even just a little bit, ‘cause I am. I’m crying again. Can’t seem to stop the flow of tears. I can’t seem to erase your/our pictures. They’re still saved here in the laptop, but I will soon enough. You’ve hurt me so bad that I don’t know if I’m ready to bring my heart out there again. Anyway, I will move on… just wanted you to know.
“One of the saddest things in this world is loving someone who used to love you.”

*u won’t try 2 save me..u just want to hurt me..*