i fell in love with a green archer

lemme give you a background.one of my closest friends, shall i say poses as a person who's famous in her field, modeling. she even made accounts of that person in different sites including chat sites and the like.whatever she thought that person should have.im not saying she's evil, it's just that she got used to it.she doesn't do it often anyway.

let's call that person, ms.JC and my friend, ms.CB and the guy, archer.

it all started when my friend asked me to check ms.JC's account in this certain site because her internet connection was going haywire. so i did as i was told since i was bored anyway.i checked the messages, read most of 'em na nga. there were messages from a number of famous people. then i found him, archer. i thought i could be like ms.CB. i thought my emotions wouldn't get in the way. i thought i could be bitchy and and be someone who can pretend. i thought, but i was wrong. so there, i found out that he put his number in the message. curiosity hit me and look what i got myself into.anyway, i asked permission from ms.CB if i could text archer as ms.JC. SECOND MISTAKE..she said yes and so it began. then for some time i didn't text him. when i heard about what happened to him during one of his games, i thought that would be a good opportunity to text him. i thought to myself, he probably had better things to do and he wouldn't reply so i was surprised when he did reply. and after that, we exchanged messages. but guilt got to me. i told ms.CB that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all.playing that role was too hard for me and i had to stop. i had to tell him the truth. but my friend told me not to. not YET. she said wait till the season's over, so i did. well, actually i didn't. i just postponed telling him the truth.

we talked about random things. various things. simple things. real things. personal things. i even got him to tell me who his first love was plus who he's dating now. funny thinking bout those moments now, he could confide to me through ms.JC.what beauty can do right?i think i did get to know him.a part of him. and that part of him is all i have now. that part that cheers me up is also the part that makes me sad. it reminded me of how people can be alike, both the famous and the not.
i watched his games on tv. 'cause that was the only place where i could see him. 'cause i'm not from manila. sucks to be me, right? after some time, he texted me that there was another ms.JC who txted him and said that i was a fake. i panicked. i even texted ms.CB about it. she said i should deny it. and i did, although deep inside i really wanted to tell him the truth. i still kept my secret..my dirty lil secret. THIRD MISTAKE.

so, the ides of september came and someone texted me and asked if i was ms.JC. i told him i wasn't. this guy was a soon-to-be archer. and even if he didn't tell me where he got my number, i knew it was from mr archer. he wanted to make sure.archer also texted before the other guy. but after two messages, he didn't reply anymore. on the same night also, i told archer, through text of course, that i wasn't ms.JC and that i was sorry. he didn't reply. i was deeply upset. who wouldn't be?i was upset because he didn't reply. i was upset because he didn't understand. i was upset because i was stupid. and most of all i was upset because i was weak, i was weak because i didn't do a good job in pretending. i was weak because i fell for him. at the same time, i was relieved. you know why? because i told him the truth. i'm no longer chained to who im supposed to be whenever i texted him.hmmm.but... it was only a month or so that i knew him and i was fool enough to be infatuated to him. dumb me huh?

i texted him on my birthday to tell him that, well it was my birthday and it would be good if he greeted me. but he didn't. he did text me later that day though. but my boyfriend and i were watching a movie. all he said was, "Hey its [insert name here]" i'm not sure if i replied to him. but he didn't text me anymore after that. and he didn't greet me. that was the last message he sent me as of now. i still text him every now and then but he just doesn't want to reply i guess.

if he could read this i want to say,

i'm sorry. i'm sorry for pretending and i'm sorry for lying. if i could take it all back, i would. but thanks for cheering me up. thanks for confiding to me. even though i know that's just because you thought i was her. i wish everything would be like before. only this time you'd see the real me. no more lies. text me na. please? take care.


and so mr. archer, will you just please accept my apology?*sigh*

Do you know what the first mistake is? Go on, think about it.



*watch camp rock. tv just isn't reality. sad*

Brooke Penelope Davis : George Bernard Shaw once wrote, 'there are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.' Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice.

Nathan Royal Scott : As far as i'm concerned, Shaw was a punk 'cause tragedies happen. What are you gonna do give up? quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive.. 'Cause you are. And that pain that you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better... and that something is worth fighting for.

Haley James-Scott: This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for.. But in a way i lost even more.

Lucas Eugene Scott : Shaw was right. As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame. We ignore what truly matters, the simple things like friendship, family, love, the things we probably already had.

Marvin Leonardo "Mouth" McFadden: So Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your heart's desire is a tragedy? I say he's wrong. I mean, clearly, Shaw never kissed Erica Marsh.

Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic but gaining your heart's desire? It's all you can hope for. This year i wished for love, to emerse myself into someone and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy 'cause i wouldn't give it back for the world.


I'm missing One Tree Hill badly. I need to watch it again.haha.OTH mania is still on.

*yawn*
i'm gonna go to sleep.
nyt.ö

[9 months, 14 days] someday my prince will come...lol XD

As silly as it may sound I do think there's someone out there for me. I may or may not meet that person but he is destined for me. You know, maybe I passed him by, maybe we bumped into each other, maybe we made eye contact, maybe we watched a movie, maybe we made each other smile and laugh, maybe we traded phone numbers, maybe I leaned on his shoulder, maybe he leaned on mine, maybe I held his hand, maybe he held mine, maybe I broke his heart, maybe he broke mine, maybe we kissed, maybe we hugged, maybe I’m with him now, maybe he let me go, maybe I let him go, maybe he was worth it, maybe he thought I was worth it, maybe he didn’t, maybe he’s thinking of me, maybe I’m thinking of him, maybe he made me cry, maybe I made him cry, maybe he has a girlfriend, maybe I thought he was the one, maybe I loved him, maybe I still do and maybe, just maybe… he loved me, maybe he still does. I’m just not sure if God is ready to give him to me yet. :)

"one of these days i'll hear your voice and you'll say you missed me."

hi. i’m jhez. and my heart’s pretty f*ucked up right now. hahaha. XD
It’s been 9 months and 14 days since my last post and I’m still not over him. Talk about being pathetic. I’m supposed to be all moved on by now. Would you believe that I’m still crying over that same guy?? Pretty stupid huh? And I’m probably gonna regret writing these posts 5 or 10 years from now but still, it’s how I’m feeling this very second. I don’t expect you to understand what I’m going through ‘cause I can’t either. I just wanna say how I’m not okay and I don’t wanna be judged for feeling this way. One great love came to my life and left so whatever, just bear with me. I know I have a boyfriend. I know I shouldn’t feel this friggin’ way. I know it’s unfair. I know the guy I wrote this for doesn’t even give a damn about me. And I don’t know who else to tell these things to so sorry I picked you. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend. He’s my forever. He’s mine, I’m his but he came after the other guy and I can’t help but think of the what-ifs and the what-could-have-beens. :[

"I was just another girl to you, wasn't i?"

alam mo, di ko alam kung bakit ako emote nang emote eh hindi naman naging kame! oh db.? ang tanga tanga ko! shet. hai.

Remember when you tucked my hair behind my ear?
(I’ve been longing for it)
Remember when you asked my permission to hold my hand?
(that was so cute.)
Remember when you leaned on my shoulder at the back of the bus?
(yup, sa likod ng bus)
Remember when we traded phones?
(tapos tayo lang naman magka_text)
Remember when we talked for hours on the phone?
(I’ve been missing those phone calls)
Remember when I would cough and you’d say, ‘ui.okay ka lang?’
(that was so thoughtful of you)
Remember when I told you to choose?
(you didn't pick anyone but sadly that also means you didn’t choose me)
Remember when you asked me if it was okay if you joined a frat?
(sabi ko ok lang.)
Remember the day when I told you how I felt and you said you loved her?
(it crushed me)
I do. (tian! andami ko namang naaalala!) *sob*
What happened to, ‘kakayanin naten to.’?
Remember this picture?


That’s ‘cause you sent it to me. Damn it! At least be there to wipe away my tears if you’re going to make me cry! I’m still stuck and I wanna be free from this agony you’ve brought about.

“You said I was great! You said I could be great! You said we were destined to be together! You said it to the world! You said it to me and I wish you never had because you did not mean any of it!!”
-Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer [One Tree Hill]

“You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim
All hail the heartbreaker”